How Can This Be?

Today is Boy #1's 21st birthday. I am still in shock. How did this happen? Didn't we just bring him home from the hospital, looking so tiny in that ginormous car seat? Weren't we just going in to check on him during the night while he slept to be sure he was still breathing? Didn't I just cry as he entered his kindergarten classroom? Weren't we just trying to jam those chubby, little Fred Flintstone feet into his first pair of soccer cleats? I am about to burst into tears remembering these precious memories that seemed so ordinary at the time. I wish I could go back and relive those moments, to soak them in & enjoy them the way that I should have. Why didn't anyone tell me? We were so busy just trying to get through life-baths, homework, dirty dishes, groceries, laundry, & work that we didn't truly enjoy what was happening in those moments. If someone would've told me would I have "gotten it," or is this one of those things we can only see in hindsight? I am beginning to understand why people get so anxious to have grandkids, so they can go back & do it better, to cherish & enjoy every moment, to see the little things as the gifts they really are.

This is the first time that Boy#2 will not be with us for Boy#1's birthday, well except for #1's first birthday, before #2 was born. I wish he was here. I just want the 4 of us together. I am thankful that they birthday boy doesn't return to college until tomorrow. It would be so hard not to be with him on his special day. There will be four of us celebrating #1's birthday though. #1's girlfriend is here for the weekend to help us celebrate & tomorrow she & #1 will head back to college. Then I will really be a sad mama. But for now I am not thinking about that. I like the GF very much. I am proud of #1 for choosing such a smart, sweet young lady, even though I wish I was still his "favorite girl." I have accepted that those days are gone, although I have to laugh when he talks about his GF & says, "She's short like you." They seem very compatible & she appears to be strong & independent & able to put up with #1's quirky sense of humor. We are going to the Japanese Steak House for our celebration dinner tonight. That should be fun! The last time we were there was to celebrate #1's high school graduation & now he is almost 3/4 of the way through college. Yikes!! More time passing, but hopefully I am more mindful of savoring & enjoying every single minute!