We've Turned a Corner

I realized that it's been several weeks since I've journeyed into Blog Land, & I wondered, "What have I been doing?" I guess my biggest & bestest excuse is that #1 and #2 were home for Spring Break during the same week! They boys' spring breaks really snuck up on us-it wasn't until a week before they came home that we realized it was almost break time. Mr. Man said to me, "Sweetie, I think we've turned a corner; we haven't been counting down the days until they come home!" He was absolutely right-we've become busy with our own lives, something we haven't done since January 1991! Yikes! Anyway, it was so good to have all 4 of us under the same roof. I was a bit bummed because I was NOT on break, so I had to go to school every day while they were home, but it was great to come home to a music & tv filled house, complete with empty water bottles, dirty dishes, & shoes everywhere! #2 was home for about 5 days & then he returned to Cinci, while #1 was home for a full week. I know I say this every time I write about them, but darn it they are turning into two really great guys! They are the kind of guys I'd like to get to know if I met them out in the world somewhere. Definitely different as night & day-it's fun to hear them tease each other (good heartedly) about their passions-art, politics/government, & weightlifting. Isn't it amazing how 2 kids can grow up with the same parents at basically the same time (they're only 18 months apart in age) & be so totally different? I see parts of Mr. Man & me in both of them, but they are definitely their own people, not clones of us at all. I like to think that they got the "best parts" of both of us. Today at church was a little rough though. They were taking pictures for a new church directory & we had to have our pictures taken without the boys for the first time-I kind of just wanted to skip it & not acknowledge that our family has changed. Another couple who are friends were having the exact same feelings-we joked that maybe they could Photo Shop our kids' heads into the pictures!

Two weeks ago I had the blessing of being involved in The Scissor Sisters' 6th Annual Charity Crop (scrapbooking). We had 87 croppers & raised $4,000 for Pickaway County Special Olympics!!!!! I was shocked to learn that PCSO receives NO FUNDING from the state or national Special Olympics-they must do all their own fundraising-unbelievable!! I am so proud & blessed to be a part of this wonderful group of Gal Pals/Sister Chicks! Each of us has our own talents that we bring to the event, although I have to admit that my talents pale in comparison to those who oversaw the event & took care of preparing absolutely delicious brunch, snacks, & dinner for over 100 people! I try to look busy so that no one realizes how "untalented" I really am. So far no one has noticed-shhhhh!

We are headed into the craziest part of the year at school as far as meetings & paperwork go. It has really been stressing me out, so Spring Break couldn't have come at a better time! My plan is to get all of my paperwork for April completed this week so that I am not writing IEPs at 10:00 at night! I'm also hoping to get a few projects completed, the biggest one being getting my scrapbook room organized-it has turned into a dumping ground for all of my sewing, scrapping, & miscellaneous projects. That could take all week by itself, so I guess I'd better be getting up early this week!

Last weekend I went to the Springfield Antique Show & Flea Market. I had to go solo because my pals Lynn & Carla were busy. I was curious what it'd be like going by myself....not nearly as much fun is what I discovered. No one to talk & laugh with on the drive, no one to dig through piles of stuff (Lynn) & no one to sweet talk the vendors for me (Carla).

However, I spent my allotted cash in a mere 2 hours & was headed home by 11:00! I bought a really neat metal cabinet, that I was able to get for $25 less than the original asking price. Think it might be going into my scrapbook room. Considered painting it, but I really like the industrial feel & the "personality" of it, demonstrated by its' scratches & dents.
My favorite find of the day was this old, metal rocker (no, I don't mean a washed up rock star!!). I guess it's actually more of a bouncer, than a rocker, but it was love at first sight! I was also able to get it for $25 less than the original asking price (my Dad, the salesman, would be so proud of my bartering skills). So I gladly handed over my cash & then thought, "I hope this will fit in my car!" In a perfect world I would've hard our conversion van, but it was in the shop getting a new transmission, so I had to fit the metal cabinet & the rocker in my HONDA ACCORD! Thankfully the man I bought the chair from & his helper were able to fit the rocker in my trunk & secure it with a bungee cord. You should've seen me driving on 70E toward Columbus-I felt a bit like Ellie Mae Clampet (if you don't know who that is, you may be too young to read this blog!), but we made it home without any issues, although I did have visions of the chair flying out of my trunk & through someone's windshield! I stopped on the way home to pick up a wire brush & spray primer & paint. I had the brainstorm while driving to paint the chair an eggplant/dark purple color so that it would compliment the green shutters & door on our house. Well....who knew there were so many shades of purple spray paint? After about an hour of using the wire brush I realized that I need something more powerful & also that I might need rotator cuff surgery! That night I purchased some spray paint stripper & I've been worked on the chair during the week when I had time (insert not very much got accomplished). I have determined that the chair has been black, green, orange, & white, and the armrests are wood, not metal, which you couldn't tell before the paint was removed. I know people think I'm silly for spending so much time on this, but I just love doing this. I wish the chair could tell me its' story! Hopefully by next week at this time I'll have an after picture to share with you!

Here Today, Gone Today

It's been over a month since we've seen either of the boys. Too long for this Mom. So on Wednesday I asked Mr. Man if he felt like a roadtrip to Cinci on Saturday to visit #2. We both agreed that it was just what we needed, & thinking about it helped the week go by a lot faster. Since #2 is in art school, visits always depend on how much work he has to do over the weekend. This doesn't bother me because #2 has not always been one to plan ahead, so his long term planning actually gives me a small thrill! I texted him on Thurs to run our plan by him & he said that he was actually going to surprise us with a visit home this weekend. It is his GF's birthday & they were coming home to celebrate with her family. Even better! We would get to see him for longer than an afternoon visit in Cinci! That was a good thing because Friday I ended up being so sick that I couldn't get out of the bed. Today is a little better, but 4 hours in the car while sniffling & sneezing would not be fun, especially for poor Mr. Man. #2 & GF were supposed to arrive around noon on Sat & they were right on time. It was so good to hug my long haired, artist boy, with the heart of gold and his GF, who we adore! We caught up on all things college-classes, roommates, changes in the school administration & future outlook, as well as the apartment search for next year. I really could've just sat there & stared at him. A million memories flashed through my head. How could this be my little boy who used to carry around a candy fundraising box as his briefcase, filled with a drawing pad & assorted colored pencils & markers? Now he talks about his aesthetic as an artist and how stoked he is about his summer internship. When did he stop being my little boy and become this poised, interesting, young MAN?!

I have come to the realization that he will probably never "live" at home again, that he will just come for brief "visits" when he has "time." I am thrilled and heartbroken at the same time. We want him to be independent and motivated to have a career, and he is! But couldn't he "need" us just a little bit? Every once in awhile he will ask my advice & my heart just about bursts. I feel like that's what I was made to do...nurture my boys, & it is hard to not be able to do that on a daily basis. I know, I know....the nurturing I did for the past 20 years has turned them into the wonderful, young men they are today. It's just that I've got more nurturing in me. Friends tell me that that is why grandchildren are so wonderful. I guess I'll have to wait & save it all up until then.

So back to today. #2 said that they'd have to leave soon because the GF's family dinner had to be early because her parents had plans for the evening, & that he and GF would be babysitting for her nephew during the evening. I love to hear #2 talk about the nephew, how "he is the coolest kid I've ever met. I love that guy!" But then it hit me. He is leaving now & he won't be back. We had less than 2 hours with him. That is not fair! GF has to be back to work in Cinci at 10AM tomorrow, so they will have to leave early, so he'll just sleep on the couch at GF's parents' house so they can get an early start. I want to cry & yell like a spoiled toddler having a tantrum, "Noooooo, he's mine!" But I guess that's it, he's not just ours anymore-he has a girlfriend, a life away from us. So I stood in the window, hugging Mr. Man, holding back the tears, waving goodbye to my baby as he drove away.

Figuring Things Out

Ok, remember that I am just learning about all this "blog stuff." I know.....that's a very technical term that only bloggers can use! Anyway, I just figured out how to add a video, so please scroll down a bit & read Amazing, Not Average before you watch the Brandon Heath video. If you watch the video first you really won't get it & I really want you to get it! Thanks for bearing with me!

Brandon Heath - Give Me Your Eyes

Amazing, Not Average

This past week has been a little stressful; things to do almost every night & no time to do those "have to" things like dishes & laundry. That reminds me of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People training I did awhile back-there was a square divided into 4 quadrants: Important/Not Important & Urgent/Not Urgent. I'm afraid if I listed my activities many of them would fall into Urgent/Not Important. Yuck, that doesn't make me feel good at all! How can I change this? It's not just about being busy doing "things." Right now I feel that I am "too busy." Too busy to have the energy that I need to do things the way that I want to do them. I thought that when we became Empty Nesters we'd have all kinds of time on our hands. Wrong! I think I've over-committed. I've been thinking about giving up one activity & I have really been struggling with it. God & I have been talking about it. I don't think that my heart is really in it like it should be, but I keep hearing the little "pleaser" voice in my head saying, "But if you don't do it, who will?" Whoa! It just hit me that I should trust God to take care of that! He led me there for the time I was needed & if I stay when I my hearts not in it, then maybe I am taking a spot that is really meant for someone else. Huh, that never occurred to me before. Thank you blog followers for helping me figure that one out! It seems crystal clear now! By backing away from the activity I was uncertain about, I can devote more time/energy to the cause I feel more passionate about. I feel like a 25 pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders!

Over the past couple of weeks I have met some remarkable children & the families who love them. My heart has been heavy for grandparents who find themselves raising their grandchildren, many of whom have significant medical & emotional needs. These grandparents are my heroes! They have given up their lives for their grandkids. I'm sure this wasn't on the grandparents "to do" list, but they are doing it, & doing it so well! God bless them & give them strength to keep going. Lord, ease their worry about what the future holds for their grandkids & bring just the right people into their lives to help them navigate this unknown, choppy sea. Amazing people!

I have also felt my heart breaking for teens struggling with addictions. I saw an 18 year old boy several weeks ago who I had known when he was just a young boy. He shared that he had just gotten out of rehab & wanted to "do better & graduate." I heard myself offering to help him with school work any time that he needed it. At first I thought, "Lisa, you've made that offer to other kids & none of them have ever taken you up on it. This is going to be the same thing." Later that evening I gave the boy my phone number & told him to text me when he needed help. He said, "Do you mean just on Tuesdays?" My heart jumped in my chest! He was actually thinking about it!! I heard myself blurt out, "NO! any night, I can help you any night. We'll make it work. Just text me." I was so happy & excited. I prayed for him each day. I waited for the text asking for help. A week passed & I was anxious to see him again at the weekly gathering. I looked & looked, but couldn't find him. Finally I saw his sister. "Great," I thought, "he'll be here too!" She walked up to me and said, "My brother is back in rehab. He failed a drug test & instead of sending him to jail, they sent him back to rehab." I was crushed, but then I realized how much better off he would be in rehab rather than jail. He must be so lonely. I can't even imagine.The family is allowed to visit on the weekends, but I am not sure how often they are able to go. I sat down & wrote him a letter. I had never written a letter like this before. I sat there thinking, "What if this were my son? What would he need to hear?" I just let the words flow. I was so excited to give the letter to his sister the following week, but sadly she has not been back. I feel as if I should DO something, but I don't know what that is. I have asked friends to pray for him & if you feel led, you could pray for him too. God & I are still talking about this one. Good thing I've got a direct line to the Big Man!

So now maybe you can see where the title of this post was leading. I don't want to be just "average," I want to be AMAZING, but I don't know how. What am I supposed to do? Where am I needed? What do I have to offer? I want to make a difference. I'm listening Lord.

Oh my gosh! As I was re-reading this entry before I posted it a song came on Pandora called Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath. God is talking to me right now, I can feel it! Please listen to this song! Pretty amazing!

You've Got a Friend or 2, or 3, or 4, or.............

After re-reading my first few posts I realized that I sounded like a real whiner & that bothered me. I have always thought of myself as a "glass half full" kind of person, so I have been trying to make a very conscious effort to count my blessings.

This past week was a doozey-busy, stressful, chaotic, you name it! By Friday night I was exhausted. However, Mr. Man suggested we go out to eat & use a gift card we've had for awhile. It was really nice to get out together! We had a nice dinner & even got a free dessert because they didn't bring our appetizer out before our dinner. Score! We thought about a movie afterwards, but I had BIG plans for early Saturday morning, so we will save the movie for next weekend.

After 2 years I have realized that one of the perks of being an empty nester is being able to spend time with my friends. Yesterday 3 friends & I went to Ohio's Amish Country. Some people, including Mr. Man, would think that a 2-1/2 hour drive is too long, but with all 4 of us jabbering away in the car, the time just flew by! I was thinking this morning how blessed I am for the wonderful friends God has brought into my life! When we moved to this small town 14 years ago we didn't know a single soul, but we felt God pulling us here, so we listened, & we have NEVER regretted it. I have such a wonderful group of gal pals, sisterchicks, whatever you want to call them. What did we talk about for 2-1/2 hours in the car? Our children of course! I realized that one of the reasons that we all get along so well is that we all have a common goal-to raise our kids to love God & be the best people that they can be. Our kids are fairly close in age, some in high school, some in college, some out of college, some married, a few of us even have grandkids. That is part of the beauty of our friendships, we always have someone who has "gone through it" before who we can go to for counsel. We are genuine, open, & honest with each other. We laugh so much together, but we've done our share of crying together too. I couldn't wait to get updates yesterday on what was going on in everyone's lives. I am feeling guilty today too because I don't pray nearly enough on a regular basis for these wonderful ladies whose friendships God has blessed me with. I WILL do better with that!

We only had about 5 hours in Amish Country, but we packed it in with as much as we could! We spent over 2 hours in Miller's Dry Goods in Charm, Ohio. www.millersdrygoods.com What fun! We all walked out with bundles of fabric-pillowcase & pillow cover mania here I come!! Now I'm just praying for a snow day when I can spend the day making the Singer hum away for hours. You will also be proud of me.....I was not the top spender at the fabric store! Although we were all pretty close!

In other EXCITING news....we had a call from Boy #2 last night & he has secured a summer internship at BLDG, a gallery/print shop, in Covington, Kentucky. Whooo to the Hoooooooo! He is very excited & we are extremely proud that he was the person his advisor & mentor recommended for this internship!!! Way to go #2!! Although this means that he'll be living in Cinci full-time this summer & not coming home to live, I am being "half full" & thinking about all the wonderful opportunities this could afford him, not about how he won't be here with me (sniff, sniff). Mr. Man, #1, & I will just have to plan some weekend trips to Cinci. I know Mr. Man would love to take in a Reds game!

Well, enough rambling. It's almost time to head to church. Have a wonderful week!

I did it! Over the past 2 days I have painted the inside of the pantry Gaucho green & reorganized all the shelves! I have to admit that taking everything out was much worse than painting or loading the stuff back in! And the winner for the "Most Expired Product" goes to a jar of Cider Spicer from August 2002-Congratulations! 1st runner up goes to a package of Enchilada Sauce Mix from April 2007. Boy, I was a lot younger then!! I forgot to take before picts, but here are some "in process" picts of the total disaster I made!

I did manage to make a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup & a dessert for our small group in the middle of this mess, so I thought I did ok! I took all of the shelves out & gave the pantry 2 coats of paint. Today after church I rushed home to complete the pantry transformation. My question is, "Why does a family need 6 cans of cream of chicken soup & 4 cans of cream of mushroom?" Guess we'll be having casseroles sometime soon! Here's a picture of the empty pantry-the paint looks gray here, but it is actually a really nice shade of green, the same color as the accent wall in the kitchen & family room. The white shelves look so fresh & clean! I really didn't want to put the food back in because it would block the beautiful paint!

I bought 3 white baskets at Lowe's yesterday to contain some of the small, loose things like tea bags, Propel, & Crystal Light packets. After loading the food in, the thing that surprised me is how the labels & boxes were so much easier to read. When the walls were white everything just blended in to them. Check out this picture & see if you can see what I mean.

You can't see the lower/floor level of the pantry, but I found a large, white, jute basket & used it to contain all the chips, pretzels, etc. I think now we will really be able to know/see exactly what we have. I sent the boys a picture of my masterpiece because I know they get a kick out of how excited I get about things like this & #1 sent me this reply, "It won't look that way once I get home." You can insert an evil laugh at the end of that!

I absolutely love doing projects like this. I think that's because I don't get a lot of closure in my life; my job as a speech pathologist never really has an "end." I am always thinking about what I need to work on next with my kiddos & since they are all preschoolers, typically I'm not working with them when they get to "graduate" from speech. A project like the pantry gives me a sense of completion & satisfaction. I can do a happy dance & say to Mr. Man, "See what I did!" If I am being completely honest I have to confess that I didn't want to close the pantry door. I just kept walking by & smiling!

I Guess January is Good For Something

Well, I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself right now. I actually got some things accomplished today! Why is it that January always makes me want to re-organize things like closets & cupboards? Do you feel that way too or I am just a little weird? I think it's a good thing because if I didn't feel this way I'd be sitting on the couch eating Kettle Cooked Salt & Vinegar Chips all day long! I'm itching to paint the inside of our pantry-green, of course, to match the accent wall in the kitchen. That way I'll have to take everything out of the pantry, forcing me to pitch a lot of the stuff that got pushed to the back & is expired. I found small, orange, wire baskets at IKEA (they are supposed to be pencils cans for the desk) on sale 2 for .99! I bought 6 of them & thought they'd be great for holding things like tea, Real Lemon/Lime, & those individual packets of Propel & Crystal Light. I wish I would've bought a few more. I may have to make a quick stop at IKEA when I take Boy #2 back to Cincinnati on Monday! Anyway I keep picturing my pantry all painted & organized & it gives me a small thrill. Simple things for simple minds, right? I think the pantry may have to wait until next weekend, because I promised myself I'd spend the day after church tomorrow catching up on paperwork-ugh! I'll be sure to take pictures of finished pantry project. Maybe I should do before/after photos, but that might be a little embarrassing! Do you have any good suggestions for organizing cupboards & closets? I'll be close to The Container Store on Monday too! This could be dangerous-The Container Store & IKEA in 1 day!!!!

Feel like I'm just rambling tonight, so please bear with me! Had a fun time outside with Hope today. When she came inside she had little, frozen snow balls hanging off the hair on her legs. Filled all the bird feeders so all my feathered friends are happy now. I love watching the birds-reminds me so much of my Grandma G. Going to get the sewing machine out tonight & make a few more pillow covers for the family room-another nod to my Grandma G. I think I become more & more like her the older I get, & I'm OK with that. My Grandma was a really wonderful woman-I wish she were still living. There are so many things I'd like to ask her, but I wasn't smart enough to think of them when I was younger. I am so thankful that I got to grow up with all 4 of my grandparents living in my hometown. That is almost unheard of anymore. Wonder where my grandkids (of the very faaaaar away future) will live & how much a part of their lives we'll be able to be?

Better get that machine out or I'll lose my motivation. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings! Oh, several of you have said that you tried to leave a comment, but were unable to. I think/hope I have fixed that problem, so please try to leave a comment again.

If I Didn't Have Hope

Well Boy #1 and his GF just left to go back to college. Mr. Man had to be at church, so I was here to send them off on my own. I should've taken a picture of the GF's car. Both #1 & GF are clothes horses, so the car was packed to overflowing!! Of course being a worrisome mom I was panicking about GF not being able to see out her rear window-I sounded just like I remember my Mom sounding!

After 3 years of saying goodbye to #1 I have learned to make it short & sweet, and to try my hardest not to cry in front of him. You'd be proud of me, I didn't shed a tear! Well at least not until they drove down the street, off to their own lives that I am not a part of. As soon as I closed the front door, boy the tears began to flow. It was such a good 3 weeks with #1, and I keep thinking that someday in the not too distant future #1 & #2 will not call this place home, that they will have their own apartments or homes & that coming here will just be a stop at the holidays.

They only thing that saved me from curling up in a ball and crying for the rest of the day was HOPE, our beautiful 6 year old Briard, who we rescued from the shelter exactly 11 months ago today. As I sat on the steps crying Hope came up to me & looked into my eyes & straight to my soul. "I'm here. I love you. I need you to take care of me. I won't leave you." she said, & then she licked a tear off my cheek. I thank the Lord everyday for bringing Hope into our lives, both literally & figuratively. Hope came into our home at a time when Mr. Man & I were both really struggling with the boys being gone. We were both so sad & depressed that we really couldn't help each other. I decided that we needed a dog since we had had to put our Carin Terrier, Angel, to sleep last December. Mr. Man was not on board with getting another dog & told me that it would be "your dog & your responsibility." God lead me to just the perfect dog. He gave me Hope! I thought we were going to change Hope's life, but it has worked both ways for sure! Hope is a daily reminder to me that God has plans for me. Plans that are better than the plans I have for myself. Out of sadness and loneliness came Hope!

Here's a picture of our Hopey. We call her our Big, Beautiful Briard. She is the light of our lives, one well loved, spoiled girl!

How Can This Be?

Today is Boy #1's 21st birthday. I am still in shock. How did this happen? Didn't we just bring him home from the hospital, looking so tiny in that ginormous car seat? Weren't we just going in to check on him during the night while he slept to be sure he was still breathing? Didn't I just cry as he entered his kindergarten classroom? Weren't we just trying to jam those chubby, little Fred Flintstone feet into his first pair of soccer cleats? I am about to burst into tears remembering these precious memories that seemed so ordinary at the time. I wish I could go back and relive those moments, to soak them in & enjoy them the way that I should have. Why didn't anyone tell me? We were so busy just trying to get through life-baths, homework, dirty dishes, groceries, laundry, & work that we didn't truly enjoy what was happening in those moments. If someone would've told me would I have "gotten it," or is this one of those things we can only see in hindsight? I am beginning to understand why people get so anxious to have grandkids, so they can go back & do it better, to cherish & enjoy every moment, to see the little things as the gifts they really are.

This is the first time that Boy#2 will not be with us for Boy#1's birthday, well except for #1's first birthday, before #2 was born. I wish he was here. I just want the 4 of us together. I am thankful that they birthday boy doesn't return to college until tomorrow. It would be so hard not to be with him on his special day. There will be four of us celebrating #1's birthday though. #1's girlfriend is here for the weekend to help us celebrate & tomorrow she & #1 will head back to college. Then I will really be a sad mama. But for now I am not thinking about that. I like the GF very much. I am proud of #1 for choosing such a smart, sweet young lady, even though I wish I was still his "favorite girl." I have accepted that those days are gone, although I have to laugh when he talks about his GF & says, "She's short like you." They seem very compatible & she appears to be strong & independent & able to put up with #1's quirky sense of humor. We are going to the Japanese Steak House for our celebration dinner tonight. That should be fun! The last time we were there was to celebrate #1's high school graduation & now he is almost 3/4 of the way through college. Yikes!! More time passing, but hopefully I am more mindful of savoring & enjoying every single minute!

Resolutions & Revelations

Well, here it is, the 2nd day of the New Year. I'm not a big one for making resolutions, but there is something about this time of year that makes me think about "doing life better" than I've done the past year. I made a promise to myself that I would not vow to lose weight this year, although Lord knows I need to! My goal, not resolution, is make better use of my time; to not waste time sitting mindlessly in front of the tv & yes, to not waste so much time on the computer. Great time to start a blog, right? I really do feel so "in flux" as I continue to adjust to our empty nest. I want to live a meaningful, fulfilling life. I want to do things that really matter. I want to feel peaceful and content, not rushed & stressed like the man in the circus who is trying to keep all the plates spinning. (Showing my age, aren't I?) I want to sit down to read a great book and not feel guilty about all the other things that I should be doing. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to be a much better wife to the wonderful husband I don't deserve to have (Thank you Lord!). I want to enjoy my sons and what they're doing right now, not pine for what !is past. I want to be an example to others of a woman who is growing in her faith and her walk with God. I want people to say, "I want what she's got."

Several of my sweet, dear friends have commented on my 1st post, & I can't thank you enough for your words of wisdom! I don't want to waste my precious time whining about what was. I vow to look forward with expectation to the future! I am so blessed with 2 wonderful sons! They couldn't be more different, but each is excelling with his God-given talents. They are making wise choices for their futures & I can't wait to see what is in store for them. They make me proud to be their Mom & I need to express that joy & pride to them more often, no matter how old they are. Do kids ever get tired of knowing that their parents are proud of them? I don't think so! Thank you Lord for blessing me with this family!

So I think from now on maybe we should have New Year's Revelations, looking at the positives in our lives, instead of those pesky, negative Resolutions. What do you think?